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fed from the mouth of deceit.
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[16 Mar 2006|09:04am] |
joshSNORTShorse (8:57:54 AM): see and thats what i want to say. i look back now and think about it all and you are totally right. a friendship is something that i would love to have. plus you were there for me, i could go on for hours about how much i owe you and how much you did for me. thank you for everything. I MEAN THAT!
thenewcancer (8:58:11 AM): awww thanks
thenewcancer (8:58:25 AM): seriouisly thats all i ever wanted
thenewcancer (8:58:31 AM): right there ^
joshSNORTShorse (8:59:51 AM): sorry it toke me so long to say, but i need time. i was a horrible person now that i look back on the past year. i wish i couldve have done things differently, but i made mistakes and i just want you to know that i appreciate it and am sorry
i feeel like 3753485746x more releived that that has happened.
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[21 Jan 2006|08:17pm] |
REMINDER TO MYSELF
Mar 28 2006 7:00P
Alvins
As Cities Burn W/ The Bled, Since By Man and Protest The Hero Detroit, MI
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[09 Jan 2006|04:48am] |
one word....
KARMA
what goes around comes around asshole.
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[07 Jan 2006|02:16pm] |
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today couldnt have been anymore perfect.
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[01 Jan 2006|05:02am] |
All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing or not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song and
I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can't wait.
good bye 2005. you fucking suckes ass. good bye to the asshole guys,good bye to a terrible summer , goodbye to you know who./. thanks for making my life miserable. rip <3 j- quigz, your already missed so much.
2006 i hope you have something good in store for me :/
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[15 Dec 2005|06:23pm] |
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comtrait snapshot: craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose
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| i dont know what you did but you got me to fall for you. |
[11 Dec 2005|12:29am] |
2005 is ending so..
1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
not really. ups and downs
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
being happy.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
right now, past few months have been rough to say the least.
4) Where were you when 2005 began?
at a hotel up north having a good ol time if you know what i mean ;). snowboarding.
5) Who were you with?
jenna jamie jessie
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
sleeping.
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
most likely myself.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
i didnt have one.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
im thinking about it.
10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
yes
11) If so who?
everyone knows who.
12) If yes, do they know?
i hope so :/
14) You regret it?
not one single moment.
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
yeah. unfortnatly.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?
yes .alot.
17) Who are your favorite friends?
lauren vestuto. she is my life and everything. along with kevinz.
18) What was your favorite month of 2005?
summer when i was happy.
you know how those summer loving things go..
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
nope/
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
ohio.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
yeah the best thing that ever happened to my life i lost.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yes.right now.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?
i dont know
24) What was your favorite song from 2005?
elliott smith- twighlight
25) What was your favorite record from 2005?
none
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
quite a few. dillinger owned them all
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
^ dillinger
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
nope
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?
nah
30) How many people did you kiss in 2005?
depends what kind.
i mean im sure i kissed alot.
31) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
1.
32) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
yep
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
" i love you, forever."
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
yeah . im sure.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
yep. thats nothing out of the ordinary.
36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
to much and i have nothing to show for it.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
i dont have to much to be proud about.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
having poop on my shoe. which i forot till rick brought it up.
or falling in love and being complety shit on by some one you loved ( not litterly shit this time)
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
changing how i ended that one phone call.
40) What are your plans for 2006?
forgetting you, forgetting this terrible year. getting my license.
getting a new job. and a new boy.
i dont know what you did but you got me to fall for you.
and i know its stupid.
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| so i wanted to thank everyone |
[10 Dec 2005|01:11am] |
i wanted to thank everyone in these past 4 months who have put up with my depressing ass. everyone who has talked to me or at least tryed to cheer me up about life in general . but honestly i havent been happy since september. anyone who knows me well enough can cleary see it.
nothing anyone can really say can fix any mistake ive made, or make me feel better about the things that have happened.
the only thing that has gotten me this far is elliott smith. lame as it be. there is not a day in my life that goes by i dont think about you and i dont cry. I guess what upset me the most is all the freinds and people i cared about i lost, but i will not take blame for it nor will i apologize for it, ive tried my best in these past months to apologize for hurting you, because i never ment too. and im done aplogizing because i will never be forgiven and you will always think i took the easy way out. but love is not easy. and yeah im guilty of giving up.
as for life. my job sucks.i never have any money anymore it seems like i cant make it fast enough to buy myself some sort of hapiness.. i just want to get out of this town and go somewhere beautiful. i want to see new things.
ive been getting the urges to draw agian. i want to write too. i need to find something to get this out.
and i want to do it alone. because ive come to releize no one can make me happy but myself anymore, and i cant depend on anyone in my life to truly be there for me. nor do i want them to be there for me because its a waste of time on there part. im considering saving up money till spring and just leaving and going some other state for about a week with out anyones permission with out anyone knowing, and ill call only once to let them know im alright
i really need someone in my life to help me with direction. to just hold me and talk, i need someone to talk to me with intelligence and knowledge and actully get through to me that this will all be ok soon. because i honestly have never felt so lost in my life.
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